I felt horrible about how disappointed they were in our lost bond because we had a great friendship and working relationship. With the exception of Ozzy, I was both a friend and ally to all of them prior to the Mutiny. “My most painful memory is being sent over and over to Exile Island on Cook Islands by the Aitu 4. “Both of my stays on Survivor sucked a little of my life by having to get my head back on straight, but the people I've met because of the show (fans of the show and contestants) have really been amazing, and I cherish them all very much!” those three days of my stay in Samoa were the absolute worst because I felt marked. So yeah, besides my one shining, point scoring, topless (thanks, Sandra), double bird-flipping moment. There was a moment before our first Tribal where he couldn't look me in the eye. I felt very alone, and I didn't trust the one person that said they were on my side (rightfully so). I knew everyone was out for blood, and I was physically the weakest player on the Heroes team. My worst Survivor moment wasn't in Gabon it came in Heroes vs. “ Survivor has many lows… hunger, lack of sleep, paranoia, physical pain, hurt feelings, etc… I had a pretty good run on Gabon, once my head was in the game. When my shoulder started feeling better and as my place in the game improved, so did my spirits. It was a handful of sad days feeling regret for not switching places with Rachel. “Even with the encouragement from producers and Probst to continue, I couldn't help but feel it was the nail in the coffin for me and my days on the island were numbered as I would be unable to help my tribe physically. we both might actually still be in the game and I wouldn't have a hurt shoulder. Long story short(er), I ended up injuring my shoulder the very next day at the immunity challenge and thought, Not only is my game finished, but if I would have swapped with Rachel. I spent the day gathering and regrouping. I went back to camp angry at the other tribe and bothered with myself for not protecting her better. She ended up going home that day after losing a very tough challenge in the extreme heat. Her train of thought was clearer than mine in that moment and Rachel decided to leave me in the game while she battled it out in RIA. In that moment I thought, I will trade places with Rachel if she is willing and wanting to swap. “My fears were realized as I watched Rachel walk into Redemption Island Arena. I kept hoping the loved ones tribe would overlook the obvious vote out, Rachel would figure a way to fight back, or they would go a different strategic direction by voting out someone whose loved one was already gone and their decision wouldn't RUFFLE any feathers on our side. All day I had thought, the only strategic vote out that makes any sense is Rachel. It was my last season, the original Blood vs Water. My most painful memory is actually a couple days worth of misery. “There are a few memories throughout my storied Survivor career that even now are difficult to think about and I often revert to the ‘What could have been had I done such and such differently’ conversation with myself.
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